So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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