she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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