I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
