i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
