I'm gonna have a badass scar
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
