This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
