can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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