So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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