Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
