There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
