Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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