She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
