Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
