Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
