new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
