You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
