he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
