Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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