he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
