I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize