Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
