So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
