Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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