I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
