i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
