He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
