he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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