i would punch a child for taco bell
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
