it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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