You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
