this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
