So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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