It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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