So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he shaved USA in his pubs
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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