You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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