What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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