I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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