I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Im part way to drunk.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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