He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize