made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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