I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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