I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
