You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize