I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize