Where is the hickey?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think my nap took me to another dimension
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
