Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
