Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
