Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
