I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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