Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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