I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
