i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
