I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my shit smells like andre
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
