a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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