A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
