I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My life is pants optional.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
