She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
