Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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