I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
