Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
