Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
