There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It was a blind-side dick pic.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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