I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
