GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
