We're like a lot better than the average bears
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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