I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
