Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
