I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
