He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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