I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
try to milk me bitch
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
