I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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