forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
