I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
