It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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