I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
