This girl is more easily done than said...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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