Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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