Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
