dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
