nut hugger
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
