so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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