Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
