my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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