Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize