then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All the doctor said was why
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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