Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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