I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
bring money and cleavage
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
