She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
