Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
