spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
