wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
