ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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