I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
