this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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