so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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