she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
