i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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