I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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