he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
