i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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