When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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